Off Of Feelings

Just woke up from last night's craziness so I'm going to go ahead and just start spouting off emotions.

Yesterday was a pretty frantic day.  It's Market Days in Chicago which is this big gay street fair, and I work on the street on which it takes place.  It's hectic, lots going on, etc. etc, but my overall feelings on the event is that it was supremely overhyped to me.   The best way people could describe Market Days to me was, 'omg, it's so craaazy.'  They talked to me like this guy from this tiny fishing village they call 'Seattle' could not possibly comprehend the epicness that is Market Days.

Lots of guys at the club which is cool, lots of guys in the street, lots of this and that going on, but I was expecting some Folsom Street Fair shit or something and it was nowhere near that crazy.  Just a large gather of gays.

Last night I got off work at around 1:15am.  Afterwards, I was going to meet a friend at a late night bar, and as I was leaving work this cute girl tried coming into the bar and I told her we were closed and that I was leaving.  We got to talking and she ended up joining me and my other friend was too drunk to be able to come out anyway.  But this girl was super drunk too.

We ended up bar hopping and spending way too much money.  I ran into this guy who I met once and we were supposed to hook up but it never happened.  He was with his new guy and some other friends.  We tried getting into a different late night bar, apparently we were with a 20 year old so she couldn't get in, my new drunk friend decided to go home, and everyone else sort of split off.  So I went away towards the street parade area to another gay bar by myself.

On my walk, this group of african american men outside of Dunkin Donuts grab me on my walk, threw his fist into my face after uttering something like, "Hell naw," and pushed me away.

Now I'm a fast walker in general, so I kept moving and wondering what the fuck just happened, but still in hindsight, on this extremely busy night, I'm annoyed no one came to my aid to ask me if I was okay.  I got to my destination and walked back and forth wondering if I should go into the club or not.

I did, checked my face in the mirror in the dark club lighting and there was no bruising.  Went to the main area and talked to a random person about it and he said my face looked very swollen.  Upon feeling it, I felt a few large lumps in my jaw.  However, no broken teeth or anything like that which I was thankful for.  He happened to hit right in the area where I happened to have had a tooth extracted back in 2008ish and I honestly feel like if that was still there, he would have cracked it.  It hurt a lot.

Over the next half hour a lot went through my head.  Mostly it was the overwhelming sense of loneliness which I have experienced since I moved here that I haven't really admitted to anyone.  But I feel extremely lonely about 60% of the time I'm here.  I'm terrible at making friends, am extremely introverted, have gone out many times by myself and have managed not to meet anyone.  When I meet some cool people, they all seem to want it to lead to sex and if it doesn't, they stop talking to me.

So this whole debacle has mostly shaken up the lonely feeling up by a couple hundred percent.  I had no one to talk to about it besides strangers at the club when I was drunk, then after I got home, only able to vent about it on Facebook.

Overall I'm okay.  My jaw really hurts, can't open my mouth all the way, the left side of my face is swollen, but I think my spirit is the biggest thing to take a beating from all of this.  I feel so deflated and really wish I didn't have to deal with going to work today, but I do because it's a really big event.  So, guess I have to suck it up and roll with the punches.